Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
