I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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