I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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