but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize