there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
