my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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