An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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