He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
