yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
are you so shy because you have an std?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize