Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
