True but thats because hes a fetus.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
