Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
im calling her cock vulture from now on
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
