I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I have fence marks all over my body
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
