He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
