My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
