I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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