I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
