I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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