either way he was missing a nipple.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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