are you still at the devil's house?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
