dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
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Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
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Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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