Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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