you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
