i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
