you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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