i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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