Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
