get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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