so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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