You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
