Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
