is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize