No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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