guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
