I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
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