Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
