Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
