Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
