i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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