I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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