Pappa wants mamma naked
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize