I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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