Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
