i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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