Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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