Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
