Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
