I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My feet surprised me
Randomize
