No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
