its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
