I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm drive I can fine osifer
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
