you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
