We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
