my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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