Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
