I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
