Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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